1. www.freetetris.org- For when I really need to geek out for a while.

2. http://www.thehobosoul.com/- An inspiring account of two guys who decided to embrace the life of a hobo and live in an RV on the streets of LA and Orange County. I discovered their blog right about the same time "The Van Plan" was born and it was always nice to know that I am not the only one who thinks living in a vehicle is not only not crazy, but down right smart sometimes!
3. Cougartown- My favorite new TV show :)

4. Harry Potter- Another geeky pleasure. I am just a sucker for a well crafted story and it's hard to argue that Harry Potter is not a well crafted story. Plus, my roommate wanted to watch a scary movie on Halloween and Harry Potter is about as scary as I go!

And since every post needs a photo- here are a couple of me as a wee one that I found when I was looking for pictures of my grandma for my last post!

5. Little Edie Beale- Speaking of Halloween, I dressed up like Little Edie for my work party. No one knew who I was and I ended up tucking a photo of her in my sleeve to whip out and show people when they looked at me curiously. She was the crazy cat lady cousin of Jackie O. and was eccentric, free spirited and damaged. I am slightly obsessed by her life at the moment.

Today I received news of my friend's mother's death. Actually he is my cousin's friend. He just graduated from high school and has two little sisters and this morning their mom lost her battle with cancer.

Although I had never met her, I mourned. I mourned for her kids because I know the pain of losing your mom. I cried, I prayed, and I remembered the day my grandma died. You see, my grandma raised me and was, for all practical purposes, my mom.

When I was little and she gave me a kiss I would lick my lips and swallow and say that I was taking her kiss to my heart. I would write little poems and leave them on the table for her to find when she woke up. I would dress up in her clothes and jewelry. I always wanted to be close to her- wherever she was, that's where I wanted to be. She was the person I trusted more than anyone in the world. She was home to me. And when I was 16 she died.

I remember touching her foot and telling her everything would be OK when they loaded her into the ambulance. It wasn't until I was halfway to the hospital that I thought she might not come home this time. When the chaplain met us at the door of the hospital and ushered into a "grieving room" those fears grew, and forty five minutes later the doctor that fought to save her life came into that little white room where we were waiting and told my grandpa and I that his fight, and hers, was over.

The first day of my senior year of high school I was at her memorial instead of in class. I'll never forget how alone I felt that day and in the months that followed. It was more than 6 months later when I laughed again after her death, and the sound of it surprised me.

This year was the 10 year anniversary of my grandma's death. I took a few days in the mountains and reflected on that time in my life. If you would have asked me back then I couldn't have dreamed what my life would be like today, 10 years later. I am like her in ways that I never expected (like my eclectic-ness and spontaneity). I wish that she could have seen me grow out of my snotty teen years and into the woman that I am now, although I don't think I would be the same person I am if it weren't for losing her. I am certain her death is one of the defining events of my life.

They say time heals all wounds, but I have come to learn that there are some wounds that will never fully heal. Life goes on, but there are times when I miss her more than most. Like when I am sick or the holidays roll around... or when there is a death in my circle of friends or family.

So when I heard of my friend losing his mom my heart broke for him, for his family... and all over again for me a little.


Where do I get my personality? Check with Grandma who is jumping on the toddler's trampoline!
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Grandma and Grandpa.


That's me with the white hair.




A typical weekend at my house.

And in honor of Halloween...

I couldn't wait another day until ACTUAL halloween to show you my costume. I was Little Edie Beale! I have been obsessed with her ever since the HBO movie Grey Gardens with Drew Barrymore came out this year. There is something so tragic and yet so free about her.

Unfortunately no one at my work halloween party had any idea who I was, so I tucked a photo of the real Edie in my sleeve to whip out in defense of the puzzled looks and blank stares. If you don't know who she is, Google her... you might just end up as intrigued as I am.